It's coming. You know it because you've seen the movies. A mad scientist commissioned by some half-baked government entity in the Middle East (or New York - same deal) will try to cure the common cold. Or stop the aging gene. Or trigger limb regeneration for the poor souls who never learned how to properly use a table saw and cut off all their fingers. But instead, he'll create a genetic mutation that will quickly grow out of control, break containment, and create lifeless zombies that will roam the earth, eating your brains and rendering the entire planet a living nightmare. It's not science fiction or fantasy... it's simply a matter of time.

So what do you do? Simple. You can't prevent it, but like all responsible citizens, you can arm and prepare yourself for the worst by gearing up for the battle ahead. And we're not talking about katanas and all those ridiculous fake lists that are either impractical, unattainable, or just plain require years of training in order to be useful. No, we're Pro Tool Reviews - and that means we're going to arm you with the right tools you need. To survive. We know the first thing you did is run down to the gun shop and clean it out so we'll just assume you have an arsenal large enough to equip a small militia. So, without any further ado, here's our list - and an explanation of why each tool was specifically selected. You may not agree with our list, but then again, you're probably the one who's going to be brain-food while we're A-Teaming our vehicles with zombie impaling spikes, armor plates, and flame throwers.

ECHO CS-680 Chainsaw

Look, I don't care what the movies say, the chainsaw is the worst melee weapon for zombie attacks. It's not going to allow you to slice a zombie in half in a timely manner. What it will do is slow you down enough for fifteen of his buddies to grab you from behind. No, we chose this tool because it will to give you the cutting power to slice through doors as needed to escape and survive (we recommend the 24" model for maximum power and maneuverability). With cities deserted, who needs doors when you have a chainsaw? This beauty sports a 66.8cc 2-stroke motor that will run on a 50:1 gas/oil mix and remain more or less indestructible over the long haul. But you know what? Since Echo dealers are just about everywhere, you can just pick up a new one if you, I dunno, get it embedded in the femur of a former-NFL-nose-tackle-gone-undead.

Review: ECHO CS-400 Chainsaw
Shop the ECHO CS-680 Chainsaw - $625

SOG Tactical Tomahawk F01T-N

If you're going to be fighting off flesh-eating zombies, you're going to get up close and personal. This isn't because you woke up and thought "Hey, I wonder what a dead person's breath smells like after munching down on slow runners for a few weeks." It's because it's inevitable. That's right, try as you might, you'll eventually end up in close quarters combat with an animated corpse that is trying to treat himself to a walking Big Mac. For those situations, there's the SOG Tactical Tomahawk F01T-N. Now, we reviewed the 12.5" FastHawk tomahawk several years ago, but the Tactical is a full 3-1/4" longer, so it gives you some additional reach. That reach could make the difference between decapitating a zombie or having one take a chunk out of the back of your neck. We also like the SOG Tactical Tomahawk because it's lightweight and easy to carry. The head is stainless steel, so it's going to last you forever - and the blade can be sharpened easier and faster than you can split a melon with a machete... speaking of machete...

Review: SOG FastHawk Tomahawk
Shop the SOG Tactical Tomahawk - $27.00

SOGfari 18" Machete MC-02

This tool is no joke. No, seriously - there's simply no way to make a machete funny... it's been used too many times for horrific purposes. Still, the machete is the passive melee weapon to beat if you're going hand-to-hand with zombies. SOG's SOGfari model features a "real working saw on the back of the blades with teeth that cut deep". I think I'm in love. All you have to worry about with this tool is your overswing. Beyond that, you're likely to rack up a high "kill score" of dead zombies simply by the fact that this weapon has a nice reach and an extremely durable 3CR13 stainless steel blade. You might want one for each hand so you can go all "Darth Maul" on them. Great for when zombies are reaching in through boarded up windows. They'll have a hard time breaking down the door and holding you still for a bite when you've hacked off all their arms.

Shop the SOGfari 18" Machete MC-02 - $18.68

CRKT M16-13Z E.R. Kit Carson Spear Point Combo Edge Knife

If you're going to live in a post-apocalyptic world, you need a knife that is combat-ready, but also versatile... After all, you're going to have a lot of gear to carry. While we don't begrudge the use of a full-size holstered tactical knife (perhaps a 7" Chris Reeve Green Beret S30V?), the CRKT Kit Carson Combo Edge offers a lot of versatility that we think will be important as you're splitting duty between survival and... well, that's pretty much it, isn't it? From the seatbelt cutter (which is to say, a strap-cutter - who uses seat belts in the apocalypse?) to the glass breaker on the butt of the handle, the M16-13Z E.R. Is a great folding knife. It's even available in a tanto style. In the zombie-infested world of survival-of-the-fittest, the EDC knife gets redefined to a slightly larger and more versatile category.

Shop the CRKT M16-13Z E.R. - $48.75

Stanley FatMax Xtreme FuBar III or Forcible Entry Tool

Listen, I'm not saying you have to carry around all this stuff at once, but you may want to consider the Stanley FatMax Xtreme FuBar III for your arsenal. There's bound to be a lot of demo required if you're going to commit to living in a post-apocalyptic world of decaying structures and rampant disregard for sanitary engineering. Need to rip apart a wall or rebuild a safe house? The Stanley FuBar is a forged steel instrument that is going to be your go-to tool. It's certainly no precision device, but it will tear apart wood and steel studs like nothing else - and the sledgehammer face is certain to come in handy should something unsavory lurch up behind you while you're contemplating your next move. If you can't stand the extra weight, or you want one for your girlfriend or wife, Stanley even has an 18" model that will give you less reach, but more maneuverability. And if you want something that's, in our opinion, a bit less functional, but more deadly-looking, be sure to check out Dead On Tools' 18" Annihilator Ultimate Wrecking Bar.

Shop the Stanley FatMax Xtreme FuBar III - $71.90
Shop the Dead On Annihilator - $38.45

Ford F-650 Crew Cab Cummins Diesel Work Truck

Who says you have to fight the undead in a station wagon or minivan? No, seriously, who? I want to kill them first, even if they're already dead. No, if we're going to store our arsenal and be able to pick up the occasional stray along the path, we've got to have the ability to get through roadblocks without worrying about denting the preciously dainty radiator on our insufficient vehicle. We also need horsepower - lots of it. No, while some may dream of driving unused Ferrari's or the untamed muscle car, we're lifting ourselves "upwards" into a diesel machine that's fit to drive the roads strewn with so much discarded humanity. The F-650 is a known powerhouse, and the engine is built to last - as well as plow through cement barriers and the occasional Toyota Prius that might be blocking the interstate highway. Nobody likes to fight zombies solo - at least not for long, so you gotta toss in the crew cab option to ensure plenty of space to pick up friends along the way. And I know what you're thinking - why not go for the obvious choice, the Hummer H1? Because we like to ride in style, that's why. Besides, if we wanted a tank we'd go to the nearest base and grab a real one.

Shop the F-650 (who are you kidding, you can't afford one)

Glowbar Classic Glow-in-the-Dark Crowbar

Seriously, I don't really think you need this tool except that it would be so incredibly cool to look out your bunker window at night to see one of your buddies cracking zombie skulls with a glow-in-the-dark crowbar. I mean, it doesn't get much cooler than that. In fact, if the folks at YouTube hadn't all been eaten, that would make a clip that would possibly top all records for viral videos ever released. Since lightsabers don't exist, this would be the next best thing for that feeling of sheer domination over the walking hoard of dead meatbags. The Glowbar comes in 12" and 24" models, but we say "go big or go home". Why on earth George Romero didn't come up with this idea, we'll never know...

Shop the Glowbar Classic Crowbar - $79.99

Coast HP7 LED Flashlight

I don't care what anybody says, this is the flashlight I'll be taking with me through my food-and-supplies-hunting adventures. In the decimated remains of the global economic and social collapse, the HP7 is my go-to flashlight primarily because it will practically burn a hole in the sky, so powerful is its 207 lumen output beam. At the same time, you can twist the lens hood and allow it to provide a wide, even beam of light that will cover an incredibly large area while you scope out bad guys, and maybe some places to hide. Did I also mention that any eyeballs will light up within a 1/4 mile radius? Nothing... and I mean nothing will sneak up on you while you have this light. Coast makes larger and brighter flashlights, too, but the HP7 has that perfect middle ground that won't weigh you down and brings versatility that is - in our opinion - difficult to match.

Review: Coast HP7 LED Flashlight
Shop the Coast HP7 Flashlight - $69.95

Timberland PRO Helix Waterproof Safety Toe Work Boots

When you're walking around in the shattered remains of a bygone world, watching your back constantly and evading the recently deceased at a moment's notice, you don't have time to worry about your feet failing you. And by "feet" we mean boots. Work boots. You want them waterproof, steel-toed, and thick enough to handle significant penetration by nails, glass, and the occasional shattered jawbone. Timberland boots have been on our short list for a while, and their Timberland Pro Helix Waterproof Safety Toe Boots are some of the best boots if you're wanting to combine comfort with safety - and believe me, you should be wanting. The Helix boots are lightweight, so they won't slow you down when you're sprinting for the nearest doorway or weapon. And they lace up quick, so you won't be caught with your eyes on your boots when they should be scanning the horizon for moving targets. Above all, they're waterproof... and, consequently, blood-proof, which is slightly more significant in this case.

Review: Timberland Pro Helix Work Boots with Safety Toe
Shop Timberland PRO Helix Waterproof Safety Toe Work Boots - $130 - $185

Dewalt DPG82-11C Concealer Clear Anti-Fog Dual Mold Safety Goggle

You can't take on a world full of wandering souls without suffering through your fair share of blood and gore. I don't know about you, but I can't stand getting random and sundry flying body parts in the eyes. Blood stings far worse than shampoo and it has a bunch more staying power. Plus, depending on the strain, a bit of blood in the eye could mean you're next up for zombification. A decent pair of safety glasses is a good start, but it's a great pair of stylish goggles that are really needed here. We like the Concealer by DeWalt. They look more like sunglasses than goggles, but they afford you that wrap-around protection that won't allow anything to blind you while you and your buddy are hacking off limbs or otherwise rendering that former human incapable of stuffing you into his already half-eaten face. The DeWalt Concealer comes in various colors and shades, but you know what - the world is now your oyster, so feel free to grab one in every color and style. For general purpose we recommend the clear lenses, but they also come tinted for daytime use.

Shop for the DeWalt Concealer Anti-Fog Dual Mold Safety Googles - $10

Duck Brand Duct Tape

That's right. We reserved an entire slot for duct tape, the ultimate tool for a world covered in reanimated corpses who care more about taking a bite out of you than, I dunno, wearing clothes or finding something productive to do with their remaining days of functional zombiehood. Now, when we say "get some duct tape" we don't mean just a few rolls. I mean, go find the distribution center and load up the back of your F-650... or better yet, just take one of the trucks parked at the loading dock that is pulling the contents of the duct tape shipping container. You're going to need a lot of this stuff. It's perfect for such things as rigging and securing booby traps to steel and metal, tying up your recently-bitten comrade who's a goner but doesn't know it yet, or even just covering up that broken side window that you had to kick out of your vehicle in order to clear a path for your escape. And if you're feeling fancy, Duck Brand Duct Tape even comes in camo, leopard and zebra patterns... Hey, whatever floats your boat.

Shop for Duck Duct Tape - $6

Concluding Thoughts

So you made it this far. We know that there's no way anyone is going to completely agree with our selections, just as we know that no one will ever be fully prepared to fight the zombie hoards once the virus begins mutating and spreading throughout the continents. There's just too much that's unknown to prepare completely for it all (though fleeing to the rural areas and setting up some bunkers might not be such a terrible idea). For those of you who remain, shall we say, contrary, we've added a few more things to our list as "honorable mentions". These items were on our initial list but got superseded somehow by our inclusion of tools that we felt were more important, had greater practical value, or simply were easier to write about (wait, did I just say that out loud?) In either case, let's not forget the...

Blazer PT-4000 Pencil Butane Torch

Hey, if you can't get a fire started, you might not survive very long. It's not like the electricity is going to stay on, and there's no telling how much traction you'll get out of a cheap lighter when the wind picks up or it starts to get cold and wet. The Blazer PT-400 Pencil Butane Torch is designed to fire up quickly, thanks to its quick-start ignition ball. It has a one-touch operation and the pull-down, retractable, tabletop stand gives you hands-free use when you need it. On top of that, the piezoelectric ignition system requires no electrical connection. This is real fire anywhere you need a 2,500-degree Fahrenheit blue-torch flame. Not only can you make fire, you can set a walking corpse on fire in 3 seconds flat, assuming they still have some flammable clothing left on their juddery, lumbering hides. Oh, and if the zombies end up more like the full-out sprinting Dawn of the Dead variety as opposed to Romero's one-footstep-per-minute Night of the Living Dead walking corpses, then you may want to bring along some propellant.

Shop the Blazer PT-4000 Pencil Butane Torch - $33.16

United Sentry Shoulder Harness Trench Knife

Nothing says "I love killin' me some zombies!" like a close-combat trench knife with built-in brass knuckles. These knives were made popular in World War I and, we have to admit, we really couldn't let this list go by without putting this one in as an honorable mention. This particular Sentry knife is black and features a cast-metal handle, with a 5-inch 420 stainless-steel blade. The knife also comes with several carrying accessories, including a black nylon sheath, a fully adjustable nylon shoulder harness, a belt loop, a boot clip, and a quick-release blade insert. Basically, you can carry this knife around in any style you see fit. All-told, the knife measures 9-1/2 inches from the handle base to the tip. This isn't a killing machine, but in your hands, you might just become one.

Shop the United Sentry Shoulder Harness Knife - $18.49

Gerber Apocalypse Kit

Of course we couldn't pass up mentioning Gerber's Apocalypse Kit, based on weapons seen on The Walking Dead TV show. While the kit itself is no longer available, you can pick up each and every item it contains and, honestly, why would you not want to? Well, for one, a lot of the tools are impractical and somewhat duplicated - but still, we've got to give them points for putting it all together and making a canvas case to hold it all. The kit includes three machetes, including the Gator and the Gator Pro - differing vastly in design (though we think the pro, while looking absolutely incredible, would be a difficult weapon to wield due to it's short length and U-turn edge). It also features the 17" long Camp Axe II and the Parang, which is the third machete and looks like it was dropped by someone in the Royal Moroccan Army. The LMF II Infantry is a decent-looking 10-1/2" knife that looks like it means business and the DMF Folder is your general purpose EDK knife. The last item in the kit is another knife, the Epic, which we felt was strictly Hollywood - too small to do any good, except, of course, for the rear-mounted bottle opener... that might make it all worthwhile.

YETI Tarpon Beverage Entry Tool (BET)

No tool list would be complete without this. There are very few tools we can get behind like the YETI Tarpon BET. BET, by the way, stands for Beverage Entry Tool. Clean clothes are going to be hard to come by when all of the tailors and manufacturers have been either masticated or turned into target practice. That means that using the bottom of your T-shirt to open bottles just became a no-no... you can't afford the replacement time. Besides, you don't want open wounds on your hands from opening bottles when you are fighting zombies. And all those tacky single-purpose keychain bottle openers? We hate them. But this tool. This tool is cool enough to store in your pocket as-is. And who knows, in a pinch you can probably throw it at a pursuer to distract them... just be sure to go back for it after you slice off his head.

Shop the YETI Tarpon Beverage Entry Tool - $6.99

That's all we got. Go get 'em - or at least get prepared so you don't become part of the problem - know what I mean? And you know what? Second opinions are good, so if you're dead-set (again, pun intended) on building up your zombie tool arsenal, be sure the check out our friends at HomeFixated for their take on the topic as well.